My daughter doesn’t want me in the delivery room when she has her baby?

My daughter is 24 and is expecting her first child in January. Tonight, she and her husband were over to visit and we were discussing her birthing plan. She told me that she doesn't want anyone but her husband in there with her when she delivers.

I didn't tell her this, but she hurt my feelings when she said that. My mother was there when I gave birth to all of my children. All I want to do is be there and support her while she has my granddaughter. I don't want to push the issue or upset her in case she might change her mind.

But does anyone have any idea as to why she wouldn't want me in there? I'm her mother, not some random stranger.

18 Answers

  • My mom and MIL were in my room while I was being induced to keep me company, but when labor actually started I wanted as few people as possible. I just didn't want a private moment to be on display.

    I really don't think you should make an issue out of this. She wants the event to be something between her and her husband, and that's FINE. Lots of laboring mothers feel that way. It's not personal, so don't make it about you. Instead, be ready to jump in and help with diaper changes, meal prep, laundry and housework, and watching the little one now and then while the new mama showers or naps. Be helpful and supportive without taking over. That's what a good grandma does.

  • Ultimately, it is her choice who is or isn't in the room. Honestly, I would NOT want my husband in the room because he'd probably complain that I was taking too long to push the baby out.

    Things can be hectic & the more people you have in the delivery room, the more people will be talking and giving her a headache.

    Your feelings are understandable, but it's still your daughter's choice.

  • It's probably because she and her husband would like that special bonding moment to be between them and their new baby. That's what we did with our first two and will do again with our next child. We allowed visitors before, all the way up until push time, then it was just us and the doctor/nurses. First, I would hold the baby skin to skin for several minutes, then daddy would have his turn. I'm sorry that she hurt your feelings. She certainly didn't intend to, but most likely wanted to prep you (as he probably did with his side of the family) for what to expect on that day. It's a personal choice, don't let it get you down. She's going to need you much more in the days after delivery.

  • Giving birth is not a spectator sport. It's very, very VERY hard work, and a time when women need a minimum of stress.

    You do NOT have the right to be there, and your daughter doesn't need to give you a reason that she doesn't want you there. You don't need to see your grandchild being born, and if your daughter doesn't want you there, you will not be providing support -- you'll be increasing her stress.

    Honestly, when I was pregnant, it never in a million years would have occurred to me to ask my parents to be present, and they never asked. The labor room contained the two people who were responsible for creating the baby, and the medical staff who were there to ensure that everything went safely. My mother wasn't there. My MIL wasn't there. My best friend wasn't there.

  • I agree with your daughter - she gets to choose who she wants with her, if she wants anybody with her.

    I don't know what the big deal is -- women wanting everybody except their dog present when they give birth. Other than the medical personnel, I had no one with me and I can't say I missed them or needed them there.

    For members of my generation, we had no choice in the matter: No family members (not even husbands) were ever allowed in the delivery room, under any circumstances. That was the accepted practice, and nobody complained about it.

    My sister has been an obstetrical RN for years. She has always opposed family members (especially the mother of the woman giving birth) in the delivery room - that, for the most part, they just get in the way.

  • I don't know why she wouldn't want you in there. That sounds kind of rude of her to not want her own mother in there. I'm only 4 months, but I think I'd rather have my mom in the delivery room with me than my husband for some reason. My mom seems more comforting and she's been in my position before. I do want my husband in there as well, but would have to have my mom with me.

  • So you expect random strangers on the internet to be able to read your daughter's mind and tell you what she's thinking?

    Yeah, you're certifiably lunatic. I wouldn't want you in the delivery room either.

  • You are two different people, she does not have to make the same choices you made and she may change her mind. I would step back and realize that her decisions are not about you but about her family and what she and her husband are the most comfortable with and that's their prerogative. It's not about you, it's about your daughter, her husband and their becoming a family.

  • We are expecting our first anytime now and that's what we've decided as well, just him and me. I don't want a bunch of people in there, its going to be a special moment for just the two of us to share and start our family with just the 3 of us. If I let my grandma that raised me mostly in if feel obligated to let my mom and fiancé's mom in there and that's just too many people and I'm not fond of his mom either. If I let one I'd hurt the rests feelings.

  • You should ask her why because she probably has a good reason that you didn't think of. I know that I wanted it just to be my husband and me when I gave birth and I didn't even text it to the family to 6 hours after it happened because birth was emotionally draining and I wanted it to be the three of us.

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